Two Key Skills to Help Teens Thrive: Resilience and Boundaries

As a school counselor, I’ve spent countless hours with teens struggling with their mental health. While every individual has their unique set of challenges, I’ve learned two powerful truths. When a teen comes from a loving, supportive home, hasn’t experienced abuse or neglect, and is neurotypical, there are two essential skills that can significantly improve their mental health: resilience and boundaries.

1. Resilience: It's More Than Just "Pushing Through"

Resilience is often misunderstood. It's not about adopting the old-school mentality of "suck it up" or "pull yourself up by your bootstraps." True resilience is the ability to bounce back after facing difficulty. It's a skill that needs to be explicitly taught and nurtured, not something teens will automatically develop by gritting their teeth through hardships.

Resilience is about emotional intelligence. It's knowing how to manage stress, anxiety, and feelings of overwhelm. This emotional strength comes from experiencing a range of situations—both positive and challenging—and learning how to navigate them effectively. Teens need exposure to different life experiences so they can build the mental muscle to cope when things go sideways.

As parents, we can foster resilience by helping our teens develop self-awareness, practice stress-relief techniques, and create healthy coping mechanisms. When teens understand that setbacks are a part of life and they have the tools to deal with them, they become more capable of handling the inevitable ups and downs of adolescence.

2. Boundaries: One of the Most Misunderstood Social Skills

Boundaries are another critical life skill, yet they are often misunderstood. Setting boundaries isn’t about controlling others; it's about knowing yourself—what you need, what you want, and what is good for you—and then clearly teaching others how to treat you. For teens, this can be particularly challenging since they are still figuring out their identity and their needs.

Psychologist Becky Kennedy offers one of the clearest definitions of boundaries I’ve ever heard. She says that setting a boundary is about telling another person what you are going to do, and it requires nothing of the other person. This is where many people get it wrong: we often mistake a request for a boundary.

Here’s an example of a request:
You tell your friend not to call after 10:00 PM because you need enough sleep. This is a request—you have no control over whether your friend will actually honor it.

Now, here’s an example of a boundary:
You tell your friend that you will not answer your phone after 10:00 PM. In this case, you are in control. If your friend calls at 10:05, it’s not a problem because you’ve already decided you’re not going to answer.

When we teach our teens to set healthy boundaries—whether they’re physical, emotional, time, or material—we’re equipping them with a life skill that will protect them from many mental health challenges down the road. Boundaries aren’t just about relationships; they’re a tool for self-respect and self-care that can last a lifetime.

Teaching Boundaries to Teens

If you want guidance on how to teach your teens about healthy boundaries, check out my mini-course, Beautiful Boundaries. This course is specifically designed to help teens understand what boundaries are and how to set them, ultimately helping them foster healthier relationships and stronger mental well-being.

By empowering our teens with resilience and boundaries, we’re giving them tools that will help them face the world with confidence and clarity. These are the skills that can make a difference not just in adolescence but throughout their entire lives.

Teaching Resilience to Teens

Resilience is a skill that can and should be taught, but many parents aren't sure where to begin. As teens navigate the complexities of school, friendships, and personal growth, they need support in learning how to bounce back from adversity.

If you're looking for ways to help your teen develop this crucial life skill, I invite you to join my workshop, 5 Keys to Raising Resilient Teens. In this workshop, I'll walk you through practical strategies to strengthen your teen's resilience, covering everything from emotional regulation to fostering a growth mindset.

Register now to learn actionable steps you can take to raise a teen who can thrive, no matter what life throws their way!