Why Are My ADHD Child’s Emotions So Big?
Emotional Regulation: The Hidden Struggle of ADHD
When most people think of ADHD, they picture the classic symptoms: inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. These are the hallmark traits outlined in the DSM-5. But ask any parent or teacher of a child with ADHD, and they’ll tell you that one of the biggest daily struggles isn’t listed in the diagnostic criteria—it’s emotional regulation.
Why ADHD and Emotional Regulation Are So Closely Linked
Dr. Russell Barkley, one of the leading experts on ADHD, argues that emotional dysregulation isn’t just a secondary issue—it’s central to ADHD. He describes ADHD as a disorder of self-regulation, with emotional regulation being one of the executive functions most impacted by the condition. The ability to manage emotions effectively depends on the brain’s prefrontal cortex, which develops more slowly in children with ADHD.
The Role of Brain Development in Emotional Regulation
Research shows that children with ADHD often have delays in brain maturation, particularly in areas responsible for impulse control and emotional regulation. The prefrontal cortex, which acts as the brain’s command center for self-control and decision-making, is one of the last areas to fully develop. For kids with ADHD, this developmental delay can be anywhere from 3 to 5 years behind their peers.
Dr. Thomas Brown, another expert in ADHD, explains that emotional regulation is a crucial part of executive function—our brain’s ability to manage thoughts, emotions, and actions. In ADHD, deficits in executive function make it incredibly difficult for children to regulate their emotions in the moment, leading to intense outbursts, frustration, and difficulty shifting from one emotional state to another.
Why Emotional Regulation Feels Impossible for ADHD Kids
Children with ADHD experience emotions just as intensely as their neurotypical peers, but their ability to modulate and control those emotions is significantly impaired. This often manifests as:
Explosive reactions to small frustrations
Difficulty calming down once upset
Trouble shifting attention away from negative emotions
Heightened sensitivity to criticism or rejection
Dr. Barkley refers to this as “emotional impulsivity”—the tendency to react emotionally without the usual pause or filter that neurotypical children develop over time. This can make social interactions, classroom behavior, and family dynamics incredibly challenging.
What Parents and Educators Can Do
While emotional dysregulation is a major challenge for kids with ADHD, it’s important to remember that it can be improved with the right strategies. Here are some evidence-based approaches:
Model and Teach Self-Regulation: Help kids recognize their emotions and develop coping strategies like deep breathing, physical activity, and self-talk.
Use Visual and Verbal Cues: Since kids with ADHD struggle with impulse control, providing reminders and prompts can help them pause before reacting emotionally.
Encourage Physical Movement: Exercise has been shown to increase dopamine and norepinephrine levels in the brain, which can help with emotional stability.
Practice Mindfulness and Meditation: These techniques can help ADHD children develop better control over their emotional responses over time.
Provide External Supports: Many children benefit from structured routines, clear expectations, and predictable consequences to help them feel more in control of their emotions.
Need More Support?
If you are looking for more support in knowing how to help your ADHD child manage emotions, check out my free training or join my free Facebook Group, ADHD Parenting Pathways.
